just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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