his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
