i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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