they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
