Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
