Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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