You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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