i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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