I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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