I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
