she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
