I wish i was in the wii world.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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