I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
