Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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