Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
