jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
All the doctor said was why
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
