Your tits are I can't wait for
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
