At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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