Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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