I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
