when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
