id be glad to
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
