420 ftw
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
