If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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