I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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