Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
