i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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