I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
