i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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