There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
