if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
