dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I think my vagina is haunted
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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