I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
