I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
