yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
my being single is dangerous.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
