And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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