Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
