I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
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My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
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Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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