i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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