you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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