just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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