From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just want to make out with him forever
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
