CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
