the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Randomize
