Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
