you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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