i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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