can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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