my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
