Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
