you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
