I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
