The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
