My balls are so social today.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
