drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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