I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
