Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
