im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize