i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
