Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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