you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
