he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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